when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
Randomize
