I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
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