If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
