I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
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