it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
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