wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
I feel like abortions should bother me more
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
Randomize
