did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize
