His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
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