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• (479): View more from Arkansas

  Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...

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• (626): View more from California

  What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"

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• (913): View more from Kansas

  all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar

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• (602): View more from Arizona

  Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated

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• (919): View more from North Carolina

  So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...

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• (716): View more from New York

  Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.

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• (818): View more from California

  You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.

  (1-818): View more from California

  Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.

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• (678): View more from Georgia

  i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.

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• (615): View more from Tennessee

  fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.

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• (360): View more from Washington

  Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.

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• (206): View more from Washington

  I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible

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• (434): View more from Virginia

  was i wearing any clothes at that point?

  (1-434): View more from Virginia

  socks and a thong

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• (631): View more from New York

  Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.

  (1-631): View more from New York

  You are high.

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• (210): View more from Texas

  I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation

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• (435): View more from Utah

  they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.

  (435): View more from Utah

  its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign

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