Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
Randomize
