not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Randomize
