i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
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