wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
Randomize