i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
Randomize
