i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
Randomize
