Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
