It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
Randomize
