It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
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