Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Randomize
