i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
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