White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
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