I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
Randomize
