My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
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