i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
Randomize
