i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize
