I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
Randomize
