Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
Randomize
