I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
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