i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
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