Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
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