do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
Randomize
