I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
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