I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
