my phone needs a breathalizer
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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