saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
Randomize
