When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
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