If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
why do cheetos always look like penises
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
Randomize
