Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Randomize
