i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
Randomize
