I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
He? As in you personified your dick?
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
Randomize
