The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
Randomize
