My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
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