Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
the gays at disneyland are vicious
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
Randomize
