Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
