I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
I'm gonna fight the coyote
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
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