? is bags or t-bags slang for scrotum?
jesus mom
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
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