What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Randomize