Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
Randomize
