just survived the first fart of the relationship.
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
Randomize
