Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
