He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
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