That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
Randomize
