nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
Randomize
