My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
