I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Randomize
