I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
