Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Randomize
