i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize