I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
Randomize
