Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
Randomize
