You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
Randomize
