Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
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