How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
Randomize
