You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
Randomize
