Pappa wants mamma naked
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
