how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
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