Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
Randomize
