She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
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