Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
