I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
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