ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
