I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Randomize
