using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
Randomize